lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
