He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
