i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
