I just made out with a guy for $7.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
