I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
