Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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