you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
