Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
