I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
