Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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