Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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