ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
