Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
