YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
