There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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