it was like eating out sand paper
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I need a burrito and a hug.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
