btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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