I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
