Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Sext me about skeletons
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize