If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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