Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
