I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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