..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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