I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
you had me at cake vodka
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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