his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
