whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize