It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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