i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
