he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
