i would one night stand the shit outta him
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
