are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
