On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You're a waste of cheezeits
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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