you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I am one with the molecules
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
