how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
