Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
