am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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