i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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