i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
