So drunk, too bad you don't want this
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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