I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
