Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
