the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
