It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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