I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
