I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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