chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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