On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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