I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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