Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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