Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Also, beer. Big fan.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
