Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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