Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
