WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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