How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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