ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
