her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
