She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
