I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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