im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
