im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
