When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize