Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
