you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
