it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
