shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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