I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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