i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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