do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
