fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
