THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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