haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
