i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
