i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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