Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
