You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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