Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
