I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize