Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
