There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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