she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
