Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
