This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
