either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
